I
attended the Minnesota Coaches Association meeting this past Tuesday night,
April 27. The woman who was presenting was doing a talk on yoga laughter, (or
was it laughter yoga?). Something like that. In a nutshell, it was basically
about how stretching and laughter have many positive health benefits. I totally
agree.
She
had us do a series of exercises and I was finding it very difficult to stay
engaged and connected during the process. Each exercise probably only lasted
about 20-30 seconds. They were things like Hello Babble, (go around and
introduce yourself to people in the room without using any real words, just
babbling), Spaghetti Spill, (pretend you are eating a bowl of spaghetti and
have spilled some on your shirt and go laugh at everyone who has spilled
spaghetti on their shirt), Fire Out, (pretend everyone in the room is on fire
and try to pat out their fire), and Shock Tag, (go around the room trying to
give other people static electricity shocks while not getting shocked by others
yourself). There were several others, but that gives you the idea of what we
were doing.
I was
only able to stay engaged in each game for a small amount of time, some 10-20
seconds, where others, I found it hard to even get started. There was only one
game where I was able to stay engaged for the entire duration of the game. And
mind you, I am only talking about 30 seconds or so here.
Later,
we were split into smaller groups and we did some more exercises and discussed
our experience. I noticed that I was still very distracted by the fact that I
was only able to stay fully engaged in one activity. This was the activity
called Fire Out above. Thinking about it a little more, I realized that one of
the reasons I was able to engage in that one particular activity was that I had
changed the purpose of the game. I had actually changed it from a game to a
task. Right about the time where I was going to disengage from the game, I
decided I was no longer trying to put out the fire that was burning everyone. I
was going around patting them all on the back for being good coaches. I felt
much more comfortable doing this. I now had a “job” to do. I wasn’t “playing”
any more, but actually doing something useful and supportive of my fellow
coaches.
I
pointed this out to my group and mentioned that I thought it was more of a male
trait, (or lack of trait), to not be able to be present in the moment and
connect on that level. A couple of the women in the group disagreed with me and
stated that women have a very difficult time being present and engaging in “fun
for the sake of fun”. I was not going to argue this because I am open to other
perspectives and opinions, but I did not entirely agree with her. The fact that
she was a woman was cause for me to give it a second thought, too. Women are
sharp.
Let’s
face it, women tend to be MUCH more observant and notice more things than men.
For example, if someone gets a haircut, does their hair differently or changes
the slightest thing about them self, I would bet that 8-9 out of 10 women will
notice it immediately. And the one that doesn’t, she probably just had her eyes
dilated and she can’t see. A guy, most likely, won’t even notice it at all or
it might take him a week or two before he says something. I would even bet that
8 out of 10 never even notice it. That may not be entirely accurate, but I bet
I am not too far off, either. I have even heard that women are 10 TIMES better
at picking up, reading and noticing subtle cues and body language. I have said
it before and I will say it again, women are very, very sharp! Sorry, Guys,
just calling it like I see it.
The
coach in me decided to ask “what is true in my perspective”? I also wondered
what is false in my perspective? I continued on to ask what was true in her
perspective and what was false in her perspective? Could we both be stating the
truth? Contemplating this further, I found that that was most likely the case.
I came to the conclusion that I was more wrong than right and she was more right
than wrong. My error was simply in the parameters I had set; Male Vs. Female.
The more correct parameter for the statement is actually Masculine Energy Vs.
Feminine Energy. I was not able to stay engaged in my Feminine Energy and kept
slipping back into my Masculine Energy.
If
you are not familiar with the Feminine and Masculine Energies, here it is in
the most simple of terms. Feminine Energy = that which moves or has movement.
Masculine Energy = that which witnesses or observes. Everyone has some of both,
but women tend to have more Feminine Energy and men tend to have more Masculine
energy. Here is a classic example of why I say this. You can see this anywhere.
Go into pretty much any typical nightclub or dance hall. You will find that
70-80% of the people on the dance floor are women, (movement or Feminine
Energy). You will also find that about 90% of the people who are sitting out
and watching, (witnessing or Masculine Energy), are men. It is not a right or
wrong thing, it is just something I have noticed.
This is the classic yin/yang philosophy;
everyone has some of both. And everyone has some of both for a reason. They are
needed. We need both sides. And I was finding it difficult to connect with my
Feminine side. When I stated this, the woman who had disagreed with me said she
was very surprised, because she said she KNEW that I had it in me to be fun and
playful. (There is that great perception again). I whole-heartedly agreed that
I do, but I wasn’t able to go there.
I
felt as if I had some type of cork over my playfulness that did not allow me to
release and connect to that side of myself. I began to wonder, “What is my
cork? Where is my cork? Do I have a cork remover? If so, where is that?”
What
is YOUR cork? Do YOU have something that is keeping you from fully expressing
yourself? Is there something inside of you holding you back? How can you remove
YOUR cork? How can you “get the cork out”? Hehehehehe. I kind of like that:
“Get The Cork Out”! I might have to make a t-shirt!
Anyways,
until next time, my Royal Leaders, take care and keep your eyes out for your
own corks and keep poppin’ them!
And remember, Your Possibilities are ENDLESS!
Tom
Maher, CPCC
The Possibilities Coach
Life Coaching for Musicians and Performing
Artists
www.EPCoachTom.com
Tom@EPCoachTom.com
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