Endless Possibilities

My Blog Be MOVING!!

I just wanted to give a quick update to my many loyal followers! I am planning on moving my blog to my website in the near future! So if you want more, you can find me there!

I will be looking for you!

Service in 7 inch Heels

If you haven’t met me before, let me introduce myself. My name is Tom Maher and I am a professionally trained and certified life coach. I also professionally impersonate Paul Stanley of KISS in KISS Tribute Bands. Some would think this is an unusual combination, but for me, it works.

  

I was recently asked how I can be authentic as a coach when I spend so much time being someone else, or “inauthentic”. I told them that no matter how much of Paul or Paul’s mannerisms I try to emulate, I always make sure that I am shining through that trademark star.

 

I assisted with coach training for my school last fall. Of the 5 courses they offer, I assisted with 4 of them. By the last weekend, most of the students had learned that I spend some of my spare time in tights, make-up and high-heeled boots. They wanted to know if this was the weekend where they would see me in costume. I was open to that, but I really didn’t see a relevant purpose for it.

 

I must admit that I was a little surprised when I met with the leaders of the weekend and my two fellow assistants, that one of the leaders asked me if I was indeed going to come to training in costume the next day. Coincidentally, her brother was one of KISS’ photographers back in the 70’s, but I had not anticipated that question. The assistants are not supposed to be the focus of the weekend and showing up in costume would certainly draw a fair amount of attention. She said she trusted me and it was up to me to make the decision.

 

I wanted the input of the other leader, as well. She was little more cautious, but said she was okay with it if I could come up with a clear intention for doing it and then keep that intention in mind the entire time I was putting on the make-up. I was actually more comfortable with this.

 

The focus of the course that weekend was really owning who you are as a person and as a coach and making no apologies about it. It is about being risky and turning your coaching up to a 10. It is about really stretching yourself in service to your client.

 

That was it. That would be my intention. Commitment. When I put on the make-up, spray up my hair, put on those boots and the rest of the costume and go outside of the house, I can’t suddenly decide that I would like to be inconspicuous. I can’t decide that I don’t want to be noticed. I must be completely, wholly and fully committed to who I am and what I represent. I have to really own that. When I put on the make-up that morning, that is exactly what I was thinking about.

 

It really made for an interesting day. You should realize that I stand at about 5’9”, roughly. Putting on 7” high-heeled platform boots puts me at about 6’4”. Spray and tease my hair up, I would guess that I am easily 6’6”+. Add the rest of the costume and the black and white make-up and I really stand out in a crowd.

 

Our classes are held in hotels, so basically, it is right out in the open or in the public, anyways. We have private conference rooms, but I am still out in the open when I get there and on breaks and when we go to lunch, it could either be at the hotel restaurant or at a local public eating establishment. Did I mention commitment?

 

I had many interesting interactions that day and could tell many stories about it. What struck me most was the end of the day when I met again with the 2 leaders of the weekend and the other assistants. I thought things went pretty well. The leaders thanked me and said that yes, it would have been very easy for me to make myself the focus of the day and I did not. They said their trust in me was well-founded. I really appreciated that.

 

Then the leader whose brother was one of KISS’ photographers in the 70’s made a comment that kind of caught me off guard. She said she had never seen anyone do anything like that before. I was confused. I told her that MANY people dress up as members of KISS and given her brother’s relationship to KISS, I was surprised she did not know that.

 

She said she was very much aware of that and she had seen HUNDREDS of people dress up as members of KISS before, but that was not what she was talking about. I think my confused expression prompted her to elaborate. She said whenever she saw people dress up as members of KISS, it was all about that person, their ego and their experience. It was like a “privilege” for others to talk to them.

 

She said she had never seen anyone dress up as a member of KISS before and come from a place of service. I was on the weekend mainly to serve the students and the leaders, but whenever someone saw me in the hotel or in the restaurant or when the wait staff wanted a picture or when the cooks came out of the kitchen, I always dropped whatever it was I was doing and spent time with them. It was not about me and what I was doing or me being inconvenienced. Every time someone took a picture with me, I always insisted on one more because “two is better than one”. I gave specific, personal and one-on-one attention to everyone who approached me and I was never “too busy” for them. She was amazed and really moved by how I was present and there for every single person I came across. As coaches, we strive to be present and there for our clients and she said I couldn’t have modeled it any better for the students than I did that day.

 

I give a lot of the credit to Paul. When someone sees me like that and wants a picture with me, it is not because they are one of my fans, it is because I look like Paul. Paul often speaks about grattitude and appreciation and how much he appreciates his fans, so when they appreciate me, it is really Paul who made the connection. I have never met Paul Stanley, but if I ever do, I want to be able to look him in the eye and say with complete honesty that I treated his fans as well as he would have. It’s all about service, in 7” heels.

 

My Cork ~or~ Feminine Energy Vs. Masculine Energy

I attended the Minnesota Coaches Association meeting this past Tuesday night, April 27. The woman who was presenting was doing a talk on yoga laughter, (or was it laughter yoga?). Something like that. In a nutshell, it was basically about how stretching and laughter have many positive health benefits. I totally agree.

 

She had us do a series of exercises and I was finding it very difficult to stay engaged and connected during the process. Each exercise probably only lasted about 20-30 seconds. They were things like Hello Babble, (go around and introduce yourself to people in the room without using any real words, just babbling), Spaghetti Spill, (pretend you are eating a bowl of spaghetti and have spilled some on your shirt and go laugh at everyone who has spilled spaghetti on their shirt), Fire Out, (pretend everyone in the room is on fire and try to pat out their fire), and Shock Tag, (go around the room trying to give other people static electricity shocks while not getting shocked by others yourself). There were several others, but that gives you the idea of what we were doing.

 

I was only able to stay engaged in each game for a small amount of time, some 10-20 seconds, where others, I found it hard to even get started. There was only one game where I was able to stay engaged for the entire duration of the game. And mind you, I am only talking about 30 seconds or so here.

 

Later, we were split into smaller groups and we did some more exercises and discussed our experience. I noticed that I was still very distracted by the fact that I was only able to stay fully engaged in one activity. This was the activity called Fire Out above. Thinking about it a little more, I realized that one of the reasons I was able to engage in that one particular activity was that I had changed the purpose of the game. I had actually changed it from a game to a task. Right about the time where I was going to disengage from the game, I decided I was no longer trying to put out the fire that was burning everyone. I was going around patting them all on the back for being good coaches. I felt much more comfortable doing this. I now had a “job” to do. I wasn’t “playing” any more, but actually doing something useful and supportive of my fellow coaches.

 

I pointed this out to my group and mentioned that I thought it was more of a male trait, (or lack of trait), to not be able to be present in the moment and connect on that level. A couple of the women in the group disagreed with me and stated that women have a very difficult time being present and engaging in “fun for the sake of fun”. I was not going to argue this because I am open to other perspectives and opinions, but I did not entirely agree with her. The fact that she was a woman was cause for me to give it a second thought, too. Women are sharp.

 

Let’s face it, women tend to be MUCH more observant and notice more things than men. For example, if someone gets a haircut, does their hair differently or changes the slightest thing about them self, I would bet that 8-9 out of 10 women will notice it immediately. And the one that doesn’t, she probably just had her eyes dilated and she can’t see. A guy, most likely, won’t even notice it at all or it might take him a week or two before he says something. I would even bet that 8 out of 10 never even notice it. That may not be entirely accurate, but I bet I am not too far off, either. I have even heard that women are 10 TIMES better at picking up, reading and noticing subtle cues and body language. I have said it before and I will say it again, women are very, very sharp! Sorry, Guys, just calling it like I see it.

 

The coach in me decided to ask “what is true in my perspective”? I also wondered what is false in my perspective? I continued on to ask what was true in her perspective and what was false in her perspective? Could we both be stating the truth? Contemplating this further, I found that that was most likely the case. I came to the conclusion that I was more wrong than right and she was more right than wrong. My error was simply in the parameters I had set; Male Vs. Female. The more correct parameter for the statement is actually Masculine Energy Vs. Feminine Energy. I was not able to stay engaged in my Feminine Energy and kept slipping back into my Masculine Energy.

 

If you are not familiar with the Feminine and Masculine Energies, here it is in the most simple of terms. Feminine Energy = that which moves or has movement. Masculine Energy = that which witnesses or observes. Everyone has some of both, but women tend to have more Feminine Energy and men tend to have more Masculine energy. Here is a classic example of why I say this. You can see this anywhere. Go into pretty much any typical nightclub or dance hall. You will find that 70-80% of the people on the dance floor are women, (movement or Feminine Energy). You will also find that about 90% of the people who are sitting out and watching, (witnessing or Masculine Energy), are men. It is not a right or wrong thing, it is just something I have noticed.

 

 This is the classic yin/yang philosophy; everyone has some of both. And everyone has some of both for a reason. They are needed. We need both sides. And I was finding it difficult to connect with my Feminine side. When I stated this, the woman who had disagreed with me said she was very surprised, because she said she KNEW that I had it in me to be fun and playful. (There is that great perception again). I whole-heartedly agreed that I do, but I wasn’t able to go there.

 

I felt as if I had some type of cork over my playfulness that did not allow me to release and connect to that side of myself. I began to wonder, “What is my cork? Where is my cork? Do I have a cork remover? If so, where is that?”

 

What is YOUR cork? Do YOU have something that is keeping you from fully expressing yourself? Is there something inside of you holding you back? How can you remove YOUR cork? How can you “get the cork out”? Hehehehehe. I kind of like that: “Get The Cork Out”! I might have to make a t-shirt!

 

Anyways, until next time, my Royal Leaders, take care and keep your eyes out for your own corks and keep poppin’ them!

 

And remember, Your Possibilities are ENDLESS!

Tom Maher, CPCC

The Possibilities Coach

Life Coaching for Musicians and Performing Artists

www.EPCoachTom.com

Tom@EPCoachTom.com

Commitment: Look who's talking!!

I thought I would take a few minutes today to write about commitment. The interesting thing is I am talking about commitment and if you look at my history of posting blogs, it doesn't reflect a lot of commitment. I think even one of them talks about posting more and BEING committed and I, apparently, have not followed up with that. I am, once again, on a quest to be committed. I am committed to building my business, I am committed to building my online presence, I am committed to growing my visibility, I am committed to growing my referral network. But it is all talk if I don't take action.

I was talking to my coach yesterday about commitment. She asked me to rattle off 10 words off the top of my head that mean commitment.

You should realize, I don't think like most people. My mind tends to go off the beaten path. You might even say it tends to have a mind of it's own. Chew on that one for a few seconds. For example, a couple of weeks ago, she asked me to rattle off 10 words that came to mind when I thought of safety. They were:

• Red
• Fire Extinguisher
• Fireman
• Blue
• Corset
• Daffodil
• Corvette
• Rail
• Ladder

Okay, so that is only 9 words, but that is not the point. So how do these words relate to safety. I can't really say for certain about some of the words, but the interesting thing was that less then 2 hours after this coaching session, I was standing across the street in one of my neighbors driveway watching the house 2 doors down from mine burning up. In front of me, I saw Red, Fire Extinguisher, Fireman, Rail and Ladder. Coincidence? I don't think so, but I did not tap into enough during that session to realize that the words that were coming to me were about an event that was about to happen. It didn't occur to me in the slightest that I was foreseeing a fire that was about to happen in my neighborhood.

And does corset apply here? I wondered about the firemen's harness or gear and if it had any corset-like qualities. I also wondered if corset and corvette were related and I accidentally grabbed one while feeling for the other. When corset came, I was still reaching and was not sure of the word that I was feeling. Maybe it was supposed to be corvette. Maybe they were totally unrelated. I generally don't try to relate my thoughts and ideas to people sometimes because they are so disjointed and seem so non-sequitur-ish, (non-sequitur-ish?!?), that people are really challenged in trying to follow me. I spare them their confusion and my frustration in trying to explain and communicate my thoughts. My coach seems to like when I go straight into my cerebral melting pot and pull up anything that sticks to the ladle. Hopefully, that will give you some idea of how my brain operates.

So anyways, we were talking about commitment, weren't we? So this week she asked me to rattle off 10 word of the top of my head that meant commitment. They were:

• Pink
• Orange (the color)
• Orange (the fruit)
• I-Beam
• Tonka Dump Truck
• Flower (not daffodil)
• Rose (deep blue)
• Steele
• Tether
• Binding or Bonding
• A strap or straplike
• Tooling leather (brown, not black)
• Glass - see through - it is not hidden

And these actually showed up more as images than words. That is another problem I have, (or could it be a blessing?). More often than not, I get impressions and images as opposed to words in my head. And sometimes I can't find the words to go with the images or impressions. This can make it a little hard to communicate to people what is going on in my head. (The coach in me would ask how does that make it EASY to communicate to people what is going on in my head?)

So anyway, that was more than 10. We both, at some point, felt like there was a reference to jail here. Actually, I was thinking it and then she said it. Things seem very "concrete" here. I realized that I don't really have a fear of commitment itself, but my fear is committing to something only to later find out that I do not have the resources or the support to follow through or fulfill the commitment.

I have heard many women talk about men's fear of commitment. I wonder if this might be why. Perhaps men feel that if they marry, they are entering a commitment where they may not feel they will have the resources or support to fulfill the commitment. They might still be feeling the full responsibility of being the sole provider and bread winner. Although society is much more open to women having a salary and making a good living, men may still be assuming the full financial responsibility in their minds, whether they are conscious of it or not. And they may feel that the woman is expecting that, as well. In a world where a dual income is pretty much a must for any family, that could cause reason for fear of commitment. Have we given men permission to feel like they can expect their spouse to fully share in supporting the family? Just a thought.

I had no intention of addressing relationship issues when I started this post. In fact, if you haven't noticed, I have been just kind of riffing away. 

I think my strongest addiction has been to caffeine. Either that or sugar. Never cigarettes, never drugs, never booze. But I have heard addicts say that they need to recommit every day. Some say they need to recommit even more often than that, every hour, every minute. So that is where I am at. I think I had said it before, but I am saying it again. I hope to be posting more frequently. And feel free to comment away. I know that more interaction with readers will keep me more engaged. So let me know what you think. And to what are YOU truly committed? And what does it mean TO YOU to be committed?

Take care!

And remember, Your Possibilities are ENDLESS!

Tom Maher, CPCC
The Possibilities Coach
Life Coaching for Musicians and Performing Artists
www.EPCoachTom.com
Tom@EPCoachTom.com

An Open Letter To A Saboteur

I just reviewed all of my previous posts and realized that I have never discussed what my coaching school calls The Saboteur. You might also be familiar with this concept being referred to as your Gremlins or your Inner Critic. This is the voice that we all have inside our heads that give us "great little messages" like "you can't" or "you aren't good enough" or "you are going to fail" or "don't even try it  because you will fail and people will laugh at you". I think you get the idea. For some of you, that voice may sound like your 4th grade math teacher. My coaching school holds that this voice is not part of our naturally creative, resourceful, whole and authentic self. I will probably write another blog about Saboteurs, but as long as you are familiar with the concept, here is something that I have worked on in the past week or so.

This past Halloween weekend I assisted with CTI's Balance course here inMinneapolis. On Saturday, I was visited by a saboteur. I took this experience with me to my coaching certification call yesterday and we determined that this was my Uh-Oh Saboteur. One of my assignments was to "out" this saboteur a number of times this week. In an attempt to do this, I called one of my coaching colleagues last Wednesday and "outed" the saboteur to her. As happens MANY times when you tell these things to coaches, I got A HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT! We agreed that I would write this particular saboteur an eviction notice informing him that his presence was no longer necessary. The following is said eviction notice:

NOTICE
Re: EVICTION
To: U.O. Sabot-Eur

I would like to thank you and acknowledge that you have been a faithful and long-term resident here. Someone with your dedication, determination and tenacity is quite rare and I am sure these qualities have served you well for many years.

Unfortunately, it has come to my attention that you have been disruptive as of late. In particular, on Saturday, October 31, 2009, you made an appearance that was not only unwelcome, but also inappropriate and uncalled for. This kind of behavior can not and will not be tolerated here. Your actions and directions are counter-productive to the goals I am trying to achieve and the direction in which I am going.

Please do not take this personally, as this is not mean as an attack on you. You and I have reached a point where the road forks and you are destined for one path while I am destined for another.

This is serving as your official notice of eviction. Your presence is no longer needed, desired or welcome here. As of December 1, 2009, you will no longer have a residence here. With your talents and abilities, I am certain that you will be able to find new accommodations by then.

I realize that this is less than 30 days notice, but I feel confident that you will find suitable accommodations within that timeframe. If you choose to pursue legal actions against me for the short notice, you are, of course, free to do so.

In closing, I would like to wish you well and the best of luck in your future endeavors. I am confident that you will be quite successful, just not here. Please do not feel the need to check in on me. Just rest assured that I am doing quite well without you.

Regards,

Thomas P. Maher
The Possibilities Coach
www.epcoachtom.com
Tom@EPCoahcTom.com

Remember, YOUR Possibilities are ENDLESS!

Got ANGER?? Get CURIOUS!

I want to talk a little bit about Curiosity today. In my coaching school, (The Coaches Training Institute or CTI), we hold that Curiosity is one of the contexts of coaching. It is one of the skills we use to begin exploration. While this is useful in coaching, I want to talk about how we can each use it in our day-to-day lives.

We have all heard of road rage and most of us have seen angry drivers. Some of us have even BEEN angry drivers, (go ahead, raise your hand if you have been an angry driver, I won't tell!) We have encountered the grumpy store clerk. We have talked to the agitated customer service rep. We can't BELIEVE that our computer has locked up AGAIN! We get angry when our service is slow.

These are all ways we have experienced anger, either within ourselves or from someone else. Some people go as far as to say that they HATE being angry and seem to get angry at themselves for BEING angry! Talk about a loop! Anger also has many bad side effects on your health, high blood pressure just being one of them. One might even think that anger is getting to be an epidemic in this country. Just what we need! One more epidemic on our hands!

Many people seem to think that they have the "cure" for anger. You just have to "walk it off". You just have to "let it all out". You just have to "count to 10". (Or 8 or 12, if you read my last blog). You just have to "forget about it".  You just have to "let it go". Rarely do I ever hear anyone recommend getting CURIOUS about the anger. It is interesting to note that when you are curious, it is difficult, if not impossible to experience any other emotion. You might be thinking, "What is there to get curious about? I know EXACTLY what I am angry about?" Here are some things you can ask yourself when you are angry, (or someone who is close to you when they are angry):

• What is it that I am REALLY angry about?
• What is it about this that is MAKING me so angry?
• Why am I so angry about this?
• How is my anger serving me?
• How is my anger dis-servicing me?
• What is the benefit I am getting from my anger?
• What am I losing because of this anger?
• Do I LIKE feeling angry?
• Do I HAVE to be angry?
• What is another response?
• What would I benefit from choosing another response?
• What would I LOSE by choosing another response?

I am willing to bet that if you are REALLY angry and you sit down and try to REALLY answer those questions and put some thought into them, by the time you are done, not only will you not be angry any more, but you might have learned enough about yourself and your anger that the next time you are in a similar situation, you might handle it completely differently and not even GET angry.

You know how little kids get in that phase where they respond to everything you say by asking "Why?" Well, there is actually something useful about that. If you take any problem situation you are encountering, ask it a "Why" question. When you have an answer, ask ANOTHER "Why" question. By the time you get to about 5 "Why" questions in, you usually make it to the heart of the situation and have a much easier time finding a solution. I think this is where I am supposed to tell you that YOUR Possibilities, (and "Why"s), are ENDLESS!

"Til Next Time, Keep Asking Why and GET CURIOUS!

Tom Maher
The Possibilities Coach
Tom@epcoachtom.com
www.epcoachtom.com

Living In A 10 Digit World

Hello Loyal Readers!

As you may have noticed, I have had a lull in my posts lately. This is not because I have forgotten you as much as it is that I have hit a form of writer's block, (blogger's block?!?), so I figured I would write about an idea that I had a while back that was quite interesting, (to me, anyways).

One of the things about coaching is that we often explore different perspectives; "What if this were different?", "What would that look like?", "How would that feel?", "How would you know a change had taken place?". These are common questions that a coach might ask you when exploring an area or aspect of your life. It is asking questions. It is asking questions that we wouldn't usually think to ask or just wouldn't come up with on our own.

Thinking about this, I realized that we really take many things for granted in this life. People have done this historically. We always take things at face value. The sun is a big ball of fire, because that is what it LOOKS like! The Earth is flat, because that is what it LOOKS like! The sky is blue because that is what it LOOKS like! The sun, moon and stars all revolve around the Earth because that is what it LOOKS like. Our planet is the only planet in the UNIVERSE that has life on it because we haven't SEEN IT anywhere else! (Some people claim to have, but that is another matter). These are things that someone decided was true and correct and everyone else went along with it and it became "fact".

Take our numeric system...PLEASE! Just kidding! But seriously, at some point, someone decided that we would only use 10 numbers in our numeric system, (0 through 9, and even then, it was a while before they created a value for zero). Why did they pick 10? Probably because that is the number of fingers we have! Really! Think about it! Why 10? Granted, it is not too much and it is not too little, so why not 8, or 12? Or 9 or 11, for that matter? They are all good numbers! Maybe it is because I am The Possibilities Coach, but I began to wonder what it would be like if there were only 8 or 9 or 11 or 12 numbers to our system. Remember, having 11 or 12 digits means we have to make up 1 or 2 new characters. Displaying all of the numbers could look like this: 0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, #, ^. The next number would be 10, so counting from 1 to 20 would look like this: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, #, ^, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 1#, 1^, 20. In this case, is 20 still 20? Yes and no. 20 is still 20, it is just a different 20. Same symbol, different amount. So 20 isn't really 20, it is just a symbol to represent an amount that we all agree is 20. Take that numerical set and start doing some simple math; addition, subtraction, multiplication and division. It is a whole new picture now, isn't it? All because we made it LOOK different! Are the odd number still odd? Are the even numbers still even? What about the square roots? How do THEY change? How would this effect our monetary system? A dollar would have a lot more "cents", if not "sense"!

Now do the same thing, but make the numerical system smaller, Remove the 9, (counting would go 7, 8, 10, 11). Do the same type of math. Now take out the 8, (counting would be 6, 7, 10, 11). Run some more tests. What else do you see there? What else is happening? Many times, we live our lives based on rules we didn't create, inside parameters we never set, and we just accepted these things as so. Many times, we didn't even SEE these rules or parameters.

All of this is based on an ancient idea that we all buy in to. I am  not saying it is bad, I am just saying look at the things you can see and create if you throw away the rules and look at reality in a totally different light. Granted, for all intents and purposes, please stick to the 10 digit world in regards to your finances. Your bank probably won't accept a deposit of 3# dollars!

My point is to start looking outside of the box and challenge and question everything. Not necessarily from an adversarial point of view, but from a perspective of curiosity. Enjoy the ride and go where it brings you.

Until next time, Remember, YOUR Possibilities are ENDLESS!

Tom Maher

The Possibilities Coach

Tom@epcoachtom.com

www.epcoachtom.com

Give a little, get a little, (or maybe a LOT!)

Hi Everyone!

I hope that you are all doing well! It has been quite the busy time here in Possibility Land! Among other things, I have just started the Coach Certification Program with The Coaches Training Institute, (CTI). This will earn me my Certified Professional Co-Active Coach, (CPCC), credential. YIPPEE!! I will finally have LETTERS after my name! That'll learn my "Esquire" brother a thing or two! (Just kidding, Tim!)

In this blog post, I am going to give you some information and I am also asking for some information back from you, My Loyal Readers! (Or maybe I should call you My Royal Leaders! I kind of like that!) In case you are not aware, I am in the process of building my own website. Go check it out sometime. You can find it at www.epcoachtom.com And keep checking back, because I have many plans in store for it.

For my website, I want to have an FAQs, (Frequently Asked Questions), page. Below, I have provided a sample of what I will probably use on the page. I would like your feedback on what I have, but I am also curious about what questions you might have about coaching that I could include on my page. Please add any questions that you might have for a coach, (me), in the comments and I will consider adding them to my page. Include your email address and I will respond to your questions personally.

So let's get right into it!

What is a coach?

Here is how the International Coach Federation, (ICF) defines coaching: Professional coaching is an ongoing professional relationship that helps people produce extraordinary results in their lives, careers, businesses and organizations. 

In more simple terms, a coach is an objective observer and partner who provides honest feedback, (even when it is not easy), and supports the client in taking action and living a more authentic and fulfilling life.

Who needs a coach?

An even better question is who doesn't need a coach? But seriously, everyone needs support. There are literally MILLIONS of people out there who are more than happy to tell you that "you can't". Your coach is there to tell you that you CAN!

In my mind, an ideal coaching client is someone who is open to looking at things in a different way and trying out new possibilities and is willing to experiment. Someone who is not married to the past and committed to the status quo. Someone who realizes that life, people and times all change and they are willing to do the same.

How can coaches be an expert at everything, especially when it comes to peoples' jobs?

This is actually a great question. Coaches don't HAVE to be an expert in everything. For example, in executive coaching, some executives do require that coaches have a familiarity with their industry so that they are all speaking the same language, but many executives PREFER coaches who have NO KNOWLEDGE of their industry at all so they can truly get a unique and unbiased perspective that simply does not exist within the walls of their organization. They have "new eyes". They will ask questions that no one else within the organization would think of.

Some people are really set in their ways and don't like people telling them what to do. How are you going to know what is best for everyone?

Again, another great question. My coaching school, (CTI), holds that the client is naturally creative, resourceful and whole. The client does not "need fixing". In this manner, the client will know what is best for the client. The coaches job is to ask insightful questions and provide honest feedback. The coach facilitates the exploration of ideas and possibilities. The client decides what is right and the coach creates accountability and assists the client in moving into action. The coach champions the client as they move forward.

How can I find a coach?

You can always go to the International Coach Federation, (ICF), website, www.coachfederation.org to find a coach. You can also try internet search engines. I am a member of the Minnesota Coaches Association, (MCA), and you can also visit their website at www.minnesotacoaches.org and there are many fine coaches there.

How do I know when I have found the right coach for me?

How do you know when you have found the right shoe? No one can tell you, but you know because it just feels right. It is a lot like that. Most coaches are more than happy to provide free sample sessions so the client can get a feel for what coaching is all about and see if the coach is right for them. Like I said, when it is a good fit, you will know it!

How much does coaching cost?

Ah, yes, the "million dollar" question! (Pun INTENDED!) Just kidding! Executive coaching within corporations can run anywhere from $1,000 to $10,000 per month, (or more). Individual coaching is much more affordable. Common rates are anywhere from $200 to $500 per month for three 45 minute sessions, (there is no set standard rate). Some coaches adjust their rate based on their training or length of time in coaching. MANY coaches like to give back to the community so for every 2 clients they have paying full price, they have a client who can not afford as much to whom they give a substantial discount. Some coaches are "retired" and just want a little extra cash and some do it on the side, so their rates may be lower, as well. I trained with a coach who has incredible passion and a very unique perspective and he was finding it difficult to accept the idea of charging more than $5 per session. I know that doesn't help much, but hopefully, you will have a better idea of what to expect.

Alright, People, there it is! Let me hear you!!

And Remember, YOUR Possibilities are ENDLESS!

Thanks,

Thomas P. Maher
The Possibilities Coach
www.epcoachtom.com

Poll Results: I don't have the drive

I recently posted a poll on LinkedIn asking the question, "What is keeping you from achieving that one special goal of yours?" This poll generated 14 responses. This is the final blog discussing the results of that poll.

This post addresses the response, "I don't have the drive". This response was generated by a male consultant in the age range of 35-54.

The other available responses were:

• I don't know where to start
• I don't have the money 
• I don't have the time
• I have no special goal

This one sounds like the person needs to make some time for some more personal reflection or introspection or maybe he just needs to make some more time for himself. It is no big surprise that a middle aged male may be lacking drive. This is perfect "mid-life crisis" time.

The reason I suggest reflection or introspection is because this response is generating a  lot of questions in my mind that need answering. Since they answered that they don't have the drive instead of the answer I have no special goal, I am working on the assumption that they at least do have a goal.

Questions that come to mind are, is the problem the goal itself? Is it not compelling enough for you? Does it not stimulate you? Maybe you need to change the goal. Is it to overwhelming? Is this something that you really want? Have you put a date around it? If you have no deadline, that goal can seem to just keep slipping farther and farther into the future and seem like it is never-attainable. Put a due date on it. What about the steps to achieving the goal? Have you broken it down? Have you put deadlines on the steps of the goal?

Another thing that comes to mind is your attitude toward the goal or maybe even your attitude toward yourself. Are you telling yourself that you never achieve your goals? Are you telling yourself that you do not deserve to achieve this goal? Are you telling yourself that you don't have the skills to achieve this goal? Are you letting your own negative self-talk get in the way? Are you listening to your detractors?

One thing that I am willing to bet is that if you say you don't have the drive, you are probably not taking action. Remember, I say that a goal that you don't tell anyone about is called a SECRET! And secrets you keep with yourself are very SAFE! I say start telling people about your goal, (and the more, the merrier), and start telling some of those people your deadlines. Use them to help create accountability for yourself. Once you commit to action to another person, it is amazing how easy it is to get into action! Start taking the steps, recognize and acknowledge your progress, (and I would even say REWARD yourself for your effort), and I am willing to bet that your missing drive will suddenly start showing up. My guess is that it has been there all along. It just wasn't being utilized.

Good luck!

And Remember, YOUR Possibilities are ENDLESS!

Tom Maher

The Possibilities Coach 

ThomasPMaher@yahoo.com

Poll Results: I have no special goal

I recently posted a poll on LinkedIn asking the question, "What is keeping you from achieving that one special goal of yours?" This poll generated 14 responses. There will be one more blog after this one addressing this topic

This post addresses the response, "I have no special goal". This response was given by 2 females, both of whom are admins in small size companies. One is in the age range of 25-34 and the other, 55+.

The other available responses were:

• I don't have the drive
• I don't have the money 
• I don't have the time
• I don't know where to start

The response of someone saying, "I have no special goal", may make you think that this person is depressed or just lacks drive. It may also mean that they just haven't spent that much time thinking about themselves. Being that they are admins and pretty much their entire job is to think of others, this may actually be the case.

I am actually encouraged by this response because someone giving this response has a completely blank canvas. They can go anywhere and can do anything. They have Endless Possibilities, (and you know how I feel about THAT!) The only thing that is required of them is to be OPEN to the possibilities.

What I would suggest to a person with this response is to play with a concept that in coaching we call the Future Self. This will take some time to get really good results, so don't be in a big rush to get this done. Find some time, or better yet, MAKE some time for yourself to sit and think about this.

There is a good chance that you know, or at least THINK you know, what you will be doing in 20 years. Imagine that you have NO IDEA what you are even going to be doing tomorrow! Imagine the person you will be in 20 years. Not based on what you know now, but what you would LIKE that person to be like. This is your imagination, so GO FOR IT! DREAM BIG! Imagine walking up and meeting yourself in 20 years, (you are meeting that person today, but that person is you 20 years into the future). Let's call them your future self and your present self, just to keep things clear. What is that person like? Where have they been? What have they done? Where did THEY spend THEIR vacations? What was THEIR special goal? Ask them how they achieved it. What would your future self tell your present self to encourage you to make those goals and how you can/will achieve them? What kind of advice would your future self give your present self? Keep digging. Keep asking your future self for more answers. Not only what they did right, but what would they do differently?

It might help to write all of this down either as you are going or immediately afterwards. After all, you don't want to lose out on all of the wisdom that your future self has offered you, do you?

Once you have written all of this down, dig through all of this information and pick a special goal for yourself. Just pick one! If you are not sure you can do it, ask your future self for guidance and support. You might be surprised at how understanding and supportive your future self can be! And they REALLY UNDERSTAND YOU, too!

Next, you may want to revisit my blog about the response, "I don't know where to start".

Good luck, and remember, Your Possibilities are ENDLESS!

Tom Maher

The Possibilities Coach

www.epcoachtom.com

tom@epcoachtom.com